Monday, October 19, 2009

Dickheads

I sometimes forget how fucking childish you people are out there. You can't be bothered to follow rules, that's why you cause accidents using your cell phones while driving. You're lazy and you're stupid to boot. That's why America is gradually developing the largest welfare class of any nation in world history.

I literally got an email the other day from some joker who wanted into my groups. According to him:
what you require is too much trouble for me to go through
i just love looking at some nice ass and suck and f**k vids man
if u dont want me, so be it
Let me see if I understand you properly. Asking you to find three fucking pictures that meet our criteria is "too much trouble"? What the fucking fuck? Did I miss a memo somewhere? Did that narcissistic shitstain in the White House manage to pass a law that orders me to provide porn for your lazy ass without ever getting anything in return?

I started Hammered Ass in 2007 because I met a number of people online, several of them women, who were interested in painful anal fucking, but the group Painful Anal on Yahoo had folded. One of the things that drove me batshit about it when it was active was the fact that it was clogged with spammers and leechers the way InHerThroat is now. People would log in and grab anything that wasn't nailed down, but they'd never upload anything in return.

I decided immediately that if I started a group I would put the time and energy in to make sure it was done right. No spam. No leechers. No time wasting shitholes pestering the rest of the group.

After a year without a single spam message or off-topic post, one of the 134 users (who was smart enough and proactive enough to follow the goddamn directions in the first week the group was active) suggested that I open a group devoted to my other pastime: fucking women's mouths. Thus was Hammered Throats born.

Soon after, Hammered Wives arrived on scene, to show us the women we see across the picket fence and the school desk in an entirely new light.

But, hey, do I get thanked for providing these groups? Not really. (Actually, a few of my brothers out there actually thank me. You know who you are.) The rest of you whiny crybabies are too busy complaining that I won't let you in.

And today... today just takes the fucking cake. I denied a member for not providing entry content to any of the three groups, so he sent me some email with pictures attached.

Take a look at what he sent for Hammered Throats:



That is a picture of a whore getting her asshole tongued. This is a picture of a whore getting her throat fucked.



Can you see the goddamn difference or do you need it beaten into you with a length of lead pipe?

Seriously, how fucking stupid must you be to even send that to me?

The best part, though, is that one of the people I denied today couldn't be bothered to go out and find the pics to meet our criteria. Oh no. Even though about 90% of the jackoffs who try to sign up for my groups sign up with the phrase, "I want to join because I have a massive porn collection and I want to share," almost none of them do.

Even though there are literally thousands of free porn sites on the web where you can find pic galleries showing millions of fuckwhores doing everything from getting ass hammered to fucking garden implements, he just could not trouble himself to actually make even the smallest attempt to add content to my groups for other members to enjoy.

The Wonder Fuckers couldn't be bothered to go find three pics that met the criteria of the groups they wanted to leech from, understanding full well that once they provided those pics they'd be pretty much scot free and could download anything else in the group. Even the guy that told me, "I read your Slut Whisperer blog" was too fucking lazy to send in entry content.

But one of you fuckheads threw a little tantrum, didn't you? Oh yes, you know what I'm talking about. Instead of taking the time to find three pics to enter the groups, you decided to punish Kol for having the nerve not to let you in!

When you thought it would be an effective revenge to put my email on spam lists using the name "Jim Davis," it sort of didn't work. Not only am I still not letting your stupid ass into my groups, but there's this neat thing called a "spam filter."

You dumb shitstain. My email address is on over two hundred search engines. Try Googling "The Slut Whisperer" or "Kolbath" or "Hammered Ass." I get so much fucking spam every week that I truthfully don't even notice it much any more. I've got my POP3 email programmed so I don't even see about 95% of it.

So, let's think about this for a moment. It takes about four minutes to find pics suitable to offer as entry content into my groups. How long did it take you to sign me up on all those credit help and auto loan and insurance websites? Twenty minutes? A half hour?

I needed something to blog about anyway, so the time spent writing this is a sunk cost for me. I should probably even thank you for it, since I've had writer's block and you got me churning and burning again.

I actually only "wasted" about three minutes deleting spam messages it most likely took you at least half an hour to generate. (And the great thing is that once it's in my spam filter, I'll never see it again.)

This means that you put close to ten times the effort into "getting back at Kol" for having the audacity to deny you entry to the forums he maintains than you would have spent on simply finding the right fucking pictures and sending them in, you fucking tool!

Now is when I get to twist the knife a bit. See these pics below? There's more in my groups. Too bad you were either too stupid or too lazy to follow the directions, because I just checked my hard drive and I have more than fifty thousand pics just like these-- and a shit load of video clips as well-- none of which you're going to see, fuckhead.

And I'm only one member. Guys like QStrom upload gigs of porn every week. All of which you could have gotten absolutely free if you'd spent a couple of minutes following directions.

But hey, you sure got back at me, didn't you, asshole?

-K-

I've got THREE Yahoo! Groups now:

Hammered Ass:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HammeredAss/
Dedicated to women getting what's coming to them!

Hammered Throats:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HammeredThroats/
Kneel, open, take it! Your ears make great handles!

Hammered Wives:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HammeredWives/
She said, "I do" and she certainly DOES!

Oh yeah, I even have a blog now:
http://slutwhisperer.blogspot.com/
Because men shouldn't need to ask for what is rightfully theirs.



















2 comments:

  1. Obviously I agree with the main body of the posting. So I'll not dwell on that bit.

    Instead I'll just give you a virtual thumbs-up for your giving Qstrom the adulation he deserves. The man* is like some kind of human search engine, quantity and quality all at the same time. A hero of the Asses group for sure. If only there was some sort of cyberspace equivalent of giving someone a medal or a knighthood or something.




    *Well, I'm assuming Qstrom is a man. I haven't got round to looking. Does that mean I'm lazy too? No, I'm just on a work computer that denies access to yahoo groups.

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  2. I agree completely about Qstrom (and let's not forget a few of the others, like ButtManGuy and you, of course).

    What should be noted about QStrom is not only his quantity, as you mentioned, but the quality. I can never read the fucking titles since they're in Portuguese or Spanish, or South Martian or some shit, but I can't think of a time when I've opened one of those files and thought, "Man, this some damn shitty porn."

    I need financial backing. I want to film my own porn, and I want QStrom to help me direct it. Someone send me a fucking check!

    -K-

    PS: If you're browsing at work, be careful. I just had to fire a guy for that.

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